Elf Con '03
by Baron Von Halfsmurfen
Summary: What happens when you take famous elves and put them in a convention? (Apologies for the lack of humour in chapter one)


Elf Con '03  
  
By: Iarwain Ben-adar   
  
DISCLAIMER: I own none of the elves used in the aforementioned story. Let it be noted that I do own the Elf Con '03, not as though anyone really wanted it.  
  
***  
  
It was one of those nice, normal days everyone always talks about. The sky was a brilliant shade of blue, the clouds were white, fluffy, and came in many interesting shapes and sizes. I made my way down to the Enchanted Forest - overly cliche though it may be, it seemed the best place to hold my convention. The convention, by the way, was going to be called Elf Con '03 and was going to (hopefully) be a meeting place for different genres of popular story-book elves. I whistled merrily as I went on, eventually coming to an opening in the lush green forest. Upon two trees hung a banner reading: Elf Con '03 - Welcome Elves! I smiled at my ingenious and took my place at the podium, looking out at the empty clearing with anticipation.   
  
This was going to be spectacular.  
  
I looked at my watch several minutes later to discover that it was five till two. The meeting would be starting any time now, I thought happily. There was a rustling in the trees behind me and I turned, but discovering that nothing was there, I went back to reading over the note cards I had prepared. I drummed my fingers at two o'clock and gazed over at the buffet. Set on a long, low table were foods which I surmised elves liked. Fruits, vegetables, and as always lembas bread and miruvor for the Tolkien elves. Where were they? I wondered, drumming my fingers on the podium.  
  
At two-fifteen there was another rustle and what sounded like a muffled cry of, "Ai!" Surely this would be the Tolkien elves. I smiled again and stepped off the podium to greet the guests. As I did so a tall, blond something sped in front of me followed by twenty-some squealing blurs.  
  
"Fangirls..." I muttered and hurried in front of them, shielding what was presumably Legolas, Prince of Mirkwood. The horde of girls paused in front of me, all pouting.   
  
"You cannot pass," I said clearly with an evil smirk on my face. "This convention is for elves and elves alone. Please go back to your designated viewing areas." The girls walked off deep into the woods, all still pouting and muttering.  
  
"My deepest apologies, Prince Legolas," I said, bowing. "We had to break a deal with the fangirls. Wouldn't let us start this thing without them. But never worry, they will be far away by the time the meeting begins." I cracked another evil smile and showed him to his seat.   
  
Legolas was by far pleased at this remark. "Then they will not bother my kinsmen or myself?" He asked, eyes eagerly dancing in their sockets and a smile playing on his lips.  
  
"Not today, my good elf. Not today."   
  
"Splendid."  
  
Shortly thereafter we heard another rustle in the same general area as before. Out of the foliage stepped three other elves. I bowed low again as I stepped forward to greet them.  
  
"Lords Elrond, Elladan and Elrohir, I thank you most graciously for your coming to our convention. Please, have a seat." I motioned towards the front row of chairs.  
  
Lord Elrond bowed low. "You are most welcome, my lady. But before I allow my sons to sit, I must be sure that there are no...dangers around."  
  
"I assure you that the fangirls are being well taken care of. You will not see them today."  
  
Elladan and Elrohir looked most pleased as they took their seats with their father next to Legolas.  
  
***  
  
After a few more tedious minutes of waiting and drumming fingers, there was another rustle. I looked up from doodling on the back of my note cards to see several short, plump and chef-hatted figures step into the area.   
  
"Ah! You must be the elves from Keebler, if I am not mistaken." I jumped from the podium for a third time and bent low to greet the elves. Behind me I heard a rather distinct snort from one of the Tolkien elves. Most probably it was Elrond.   
  
The trio of Keebler elves smiled and greeted me in their fashion (bestowing their company with cookies, which I immediately placed on the buffet for later use). They took their seats in their particular row behind the Tolkien elves. I was very glad I had made a seating chart for once.   
  
Respectively, the convention should have started by now, but we were still missing the Potter elves. I rested my chin on my hand and read over my note cards for what seemed the hundredth time. Finally, out of the leafy greens came a troupe of house elves. I was so tired I came close to just waving them on. Instead I wearily stepped towards them and knelt down. There seemed to be another snort from behind me, accompanied by a muttering of, "Look more like deformed hobbits, if you ask me." I cleared my throat loudly and shook hands with Dobby, the official ambassador for the Potter elves. After directing them to their seats, I once again walked onto the podium and cleared my throat.  
  
"Welcome El-"   
  
I was cut off by a beam of light. Turning towards the light, I saw Glorfindel and Galadriel walking into the clearing. I smiled and pointed to their seats in front before starting over.  
  
"Welcome Elves to the-"  
  
This time I was cut off by a loud "Down in front!" by one of the house elves.  
  
"Excuse me?" Lady Galadriel asked, turning to the house elf in question.  
  
"I said, down in front!"  
  
Lady Galadriel glared at the elf.  
  
"Yeah, why do *they* get to sit in front?" One of the Keebler elves piped up.  
  
"Because we are clearly more superior than you," Elrond said, turning around to face the pint-sized elf.  
  
"Please, please! Elves, we are not here to bicker and argue over who's better than who! Perhaps the seating arrangements can be fixed." I looked at my chart and realised I had had it upside-down. "Tolkien elves," I spoke again, "would you please be so kind as to move to the back row? It seems I had the seating chart upside-down when I seated you."  
  
Elrond sat back down indignantly.  
  
"My lady, I cannot let my seat be taken by these...these counterfeit elves!"  
  
"Counterfeit!" The Potter and Keebler elves all shouted at the same time. They were indeed quite irate.  
  
I tried to settle everyone down by giving the elves in the back higher chairs. It seemed to calm them down, though I wasn't entirely sure.  
  
"Ahem...now, may we begin?" I asked. The elves all agreed and I tapped my note cards lightly on the podium. "Welcome Elves to the first annual Elf Con '03 meeting! I hope you will all enjoy today and perhaps learn to, shall we say, *respect* your fellow elf." I have a sideways glance to Elrond, who in turn folded his arms on his chest. "Our first guest speaker will be Prince Legolas of Mirkwood, ambassador of the Tolkien elves of Mirkwood. He will be speaking on the dangers of becoming too famous an elf." I stepped aside and let Legolas take the podium.   
  
Just then we heard a noise. It sounded like that of a heard of stampeding bulls, but it was worse, much worse. The fangirls had escaped.  
  
****  
  
Author's note:  
  
Boy was that fun to write! In case you are interested, this was adapted from a very, very short story I had written on a boring day. My apologies for the lack of humour or anything bearing the resemblance of funny, but this is indeed the first chapter of my first story. I hope you will stay "tuned" for the next part in which there will be humour and other things that were desperately needed in this chapter. Constructive criticism welcome, as are flames. An author must have an equal share of love/hate reviews in order to not go completely insane.  
  
Review as necessary. 


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